Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Shakespeare said that.
My daughter received a shirt that says, "And thou she be but little, she is fierce." From Shakespeare. A Midsummer Night's Dream to be exact. I remember reading that back in high school and thinking it applied to me. I've been 5'1" since I was 13 so I think I qualify. But where has that fierceness gone? Two small children and turning 40 in a couple of months and I'm not sure I'm fierce anymore. But I'm trying. I guess that's the best I can do. Most days I've overwhelmed and angry or annoyed or frustrated or sleep deprived or... On my best days, I am the mother that I want to be every day. I am kind, loving, I do not scream at my children so that they will actually listen to me, I am the Mom that people say, "Wow, look at her, she's got her shit together." But, like the big moon that's coming in August, it's a rarity. Most days I'm screaming at my kids so much that I wonder how my neighbors still talk to me. Sure, they're 18 months apart and are 2.5 and 4 but shouldn't I, as an almost 40 year old, have more patience? I have been told over the years that I am a very patient person. Where did that patient person go? Is she hiding with the fierce woman that I used to be or is she cowering in the corner because she just got yelled at by her mother? So, I'm trying to channel my energy into other things. Things that are good for my soul. Things that make me happy, and patient, and hopefully, fierce.